Adult hot 60. - lookmybody - lookmybody

Be careful not to let just anyone fill your empty heart.

- J

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Adult hot 59. - lookmybody - lookmybody

We have raised generation after generation,

Of people so desperate for a way out,

That they throw themselves from rooftops,

Into vices,

Out of reach.

I know people so hurt by the world we live in now,

That they would rather dive headfirst into the unknown darkness of the afterlife,

Than wait for things to get better.

Why can’t we build a world

In which people would be content to stay?

- J

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Adult hot Educated. - lookmybody - lookmybody

If only our children could learn in institutions

That did not require them to give of

Their health

Their happiness

Their mental wellbeing

Their financial security

Their sense of self

Their individuality

Their creativity

Their passions

In order to gain an education.

Since when did the price of knowledge become so high?

- J.R.A.

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Adult hot Outlook. - lookmybody - lookmybody

When life deals heavy blows,

Blessed are those who find beauty in their bruises.

- J

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Adult hot Lessons From A Curl. - lookmybody - lookmybody

My natural hair has taught me many lessons.  For example:

There are parts of yourself that the world will not teach you how to love.

Still, you must force yourself to love every part of yourself.

As you learn, so do they.

- J

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Adult hot 55. - lookmybody - lookmybody

I have been told many times

That I deserve a good husband.

That people will pray for me to meet “the one”.

But how can I,

When I am still working out my flaws?

How can he learn to love me,

When I am still charting that path?

- J

©

Adult hot 54. - lookmybody - lookmybody

Oh little girl of days gone by,

Be careful where you look for meaning.

It is not in the darkest corner of your heart.

It is not in the blades you use to tear yourself apart.

It is in the strength it takes to pull yourself back together.

- J

© 

Adult hot 53. - lookmybody - lookmybody

I’m here.

I didn’t always want to be.

Do you know how many times I have torn myself open and apart,

Looking for something, anything, to give me a purpose?

And if I can make it through that,

I can make it through anything.

- J

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Adult hot Journey. - lookmybody - lookmybody

My life follows a rather uneven path.

It is a life lived between self-loating and self-acceptance and self-love.

It is a record of a journey through this world that is uncertain at best.

It is a million and one lessons wrapped up in blood, love, sweat, and tears.

Like:

There are “wake up and seize the day!” days,

And there are “stay in bed until your anxiety throws you out” days.

And even though rainbow promises are plenty,

Sometimes we have to dig deep for that pot of gold.

Good things come to those who don’t stop believing,

But so do bad things.

And so do in-between things that start off good but end up bad,

Or start off bad but end up good.

Nothing is ever really neat and polished.

Forget happy endings – we are lucky if things truly end at all.

Closure is a luxury.

But so is laughter, and sometimes that is the sweetest of escapes.

I write this all down because it is a reminder that I am alive,

And that I feel, and that I do not feel alone.

I do not journey alone.

- J

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Adult hot 51. - lookmybody - lookmybody

The more I love myself,

The less I want to tie myself down in a relationship.

The more I love myself,

The less I search for love outside my heart.

- J

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Adult hot Eating. - lookmybody - lookmybody

Dis.interest fills my mind as I stare at the menu.

I’m kind of hungry, but I know I’m not really.

I know it’s just my body playing tricks on me.

What’s that?

Oh, no.  I’m not ready to. order.

- J

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Adult hot Hurricane. - lookmybody - lookmybody

You can learn a lesson from anything.

For example, from a hurricane,

You learn that no matter how destructive you are,

There should always be calm within.

- J

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Adult hot Fighter. - lookmybody - lookmybody

You take pride in being a force to be reckoned with.

But even the king of the jungle lays down his head to rest.

- J

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Adult hot 47. - lookmybody - lookmybody

Don’t be ashamed

Of the ways that you tried to overcome your demons.

No one is born knowing how to tame the monsters.

- J

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Adult hot Closure. - lookmybody - lookmybody

Closure comes in accepting that

While I regret many of the choices I have made,

I do not regret where they have brought me.

For in abandoning the path that led to you,

I discovered the one that led to me.

(Or at least that is what I have chosen to tell myself).

- J

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Adult hot 45. - lookmybody - lookmybody

One of the most terrifying, yet reassuring lessons

I have learned in this life

Is that:

Everything changes.

- J

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Adult hot 44. - lookmybody - lookmybody

I first loved myself in my entirety at 21.

That is both a victory,

And a shame.

- J

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Adult hot Phantom Limb. - lookmybody - lookmybody

When I remember who I used to be,

I cringe.

I still feel the pain of a self long gone.

- J

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Adult hot Faith. - lookmybody - lookmybody

I believe in God because

When I first found myself in the pit of depression,

He was the only One who found me

And stayed.

- J

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Adult hot Trigger Warning. - lookmybody - lookmybody

There is no trigger warning for

A smile.

A laugh.

Their scent wafting across the room.

There are no guardrails

To prevent your mind from wandering

Off the edge of memory lane

Into the pit of remembrance and regret.

There is no law to avenge your broken heart.

Or return to you the one you have lost.

There is no peace for the lonely and loveless.

- J

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Adult hot 40. - lookmybody - lookmybody

I have decided to be environmentally friendly with myself.

I have decided that it is not healthy to keep myself running for so long.

I have decided to unplug from the day-to-day.

And recharge in the sun.

- J

©

Adult hot The Lifesaving Magic of Loving Your Body. - lookmybody - lookmybody

A couple of years ago, I weighed significantly less than I do right now.  I also could still fit into a size zero, and I was still wearing clothes that I had since I was in high school.  Right around the beginning of my fourth year of my undergrad (which coincided with one of the most stressful periods in my personal life), I started to gain weight.  I was over the moon!  Being "skinny" all my life was okay, but I wanted to look more like a woman, and less like a pre-pubescent little boy.

I'm not going to get into details - that's not what this post is about.  But what I will tell you is that somewhere along the way, gaining weight stopped being enjoyable.  I'm ashamed to admit it, but I became very self conscious, largely in part because I no longer fit into a lot of my clothing.  It seemed like every time I got dressed in the morning, I found yet another piece of clothing that I loved, that no longer fit me.

That's the thing about being attached to material things - we love them so much, that they become a crutch.  They hold us back - whether it's because they remind us of who we used to be, or someone we loved, or a time in our lives when we were happen.  At the end of the day, owning material possessions isn't the issue - the problem is our attachment to them.  The sad thing is that our attachment to items can be our downfall.  Our attachment to stuff can ruin our mornings, our happiness, and our lives.

Don't believe me?  Watch Hoarders.

Part of the reason why I've been purging my closet so much and so often is because I've been slowly getting rid of clothing that no longer fits.  This week, I bit the bullet and purged everything I've been holding onto that no longer fits, with the exception of a few items that I am keeping for sentimental reasons.

The process of getting rid of items that no longer fit is hard, partially in part due to messages about women's bodies that are drilled into us from birth.  But by getting rid of clothes that don't fit, I'm not only making room for the clothes that do.  I'm making room for more pleasurable mornings, where I can wake up, go to my closet, and know that every item in there fits, looks good on me, and is in good quality.  Getting rid of clothes that don't fit is a step towards self-acceptance of my body size and shape.  Getting rid of the clothes that don't fit is an act of self-love.

Cheer.  To the lifesaving magic of loving our bodies.

xoxo, Jayy

Adult hot 39. - lookmybody - lookmybody

I never believed in ghosts,

Until you left this world.

Suddenly it became more comforting to imagine that you were watching over me,

Than it was to believe that your soul had ceased to exist.

It is our circumstances that shape our beliefs.

- J

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Adult hot 38. - lookmybody - lookmybody

When I was a kid, I was afraid of the dark.

As most little ones are.

Truth be told, I was more afraid of what was in the darkness, than of the darkness itself.

I was scared that something scary would find its way in.

As I got older the darkness became my friend.

It made no sense to fear what was in the darkness around me,

When I had become what I had once feared.

- J

©

Adult hot 37. - lookmybody - lookmybody

I have a lot of scars.

They are from all of the times that I searched for love in the wrong place. 

- J

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Adult hot Tips for Successful Thrift Store Shopping - lookmybody - lookmybody

Thrift store shopping can be a daunting task, especially because it's so different from shopping in a regular store.  As an avid thrift shopper for many years, I've compiled a list of my best tips to help you in your thrifting endeavours.  I've fine-tuned my list now that I'm trying to live minimally, and he one time that I went thrift shopping in the past few months, it really worked!  This is going to be a detailed post, so let's get to it!

(Click Read More for details!)

1. Choose Your Location.

Location is everything when it comes to thrifting.  While some chain thrift stores consolidate and sort their donations, and then distribute them evenly among their locations (such as Value Village), other chain thrift stores or independent stores will sell items donated directly to the store.  When shopping at the former, you will have to check out a location to get a sense of what kinds of items that store will carry.  Sometimes higher end neighbourhood equals higher end items, but not always.  When shopping at the latter, know the neighbourhood you are shopping in - if it is an older neighbourhood, you stand a better chance of getting more vintage items.  If it is in a trendier neighbourhood, you stand a better chance of getting items that are out of/going out of trend, with a few trendy items here and there.  If it is in a family oriented area, you will find more clothing for all members of the family ... etc. 

2. Timing, Timing, Timing.

Just like location, timing is everything.  If you are only browsing, go any time!  But if you are looking for specific items, it is best to go when the store will be fully stocked.  A thrift store will get the most donations at significant times in the year - at the end of each season when items are being purged, at the end of summer and winter when the weather changes significantly, just after long weekends such as Victoria Day, Civic Holiday, Labour Day when people get the chance to clean out their homes, and before, during, and after the holiday season, as people get rid of the old, and make way for the new!

3. Eye on the Prize.

Image Source

When shopping at a thrift store, I always go with a plan.  I know exactly what item I'm looking for, and I will make a beeline for that section of the store.  When going through the rack, I will pull items that I like, and place them in my cart.  Once I have pulled enough options from my cart, I will go to the dressing room, and sort through my pile.  This way, I avoid picking up items that I really do not need.  

4. Ask The Right Questions.

While going through your pile, ask yourself questions to determine what you should keep and try on, and what you should put back.  I use the following questions to help me decide what I will try on:

• Do I have anything similar at home?
• Does this item have any rips, tears, stains, or any other damage that I cannot fix?
• Will I have to purchase additional items to make an outfit with this item?

If I answer YES to any of those questions, I will put the item back.  Additionally, I also ask myself the following:

• Do I need this item?
• Do I absolutely love this item?
• Does this item go with my own personal sense of style?

If I answer NO to any of those questions, I will put the item back.

5. Try It On.

When shopping at a thrift store, there is no better way to make sure each item works, than to try each item on.  Different brands have different fits, and it's always better to try things on than to guess and bring something home that potentially will not work for you.  Trying things on will help you to weed out the items that are not absolute loves, so you know that the item you bring home will be a positive addition to your wardrobe.

6. Make Sure It Works!
When you go home, and before you take the tags off and wash your clothing item, look through your closet and make sure that it truly will be a positive addition to your wardrobe.  I try to make a few outfits with that item, to make sure I really will get good use out of it.

If you've made it this far with an item, then it's a keeper.  Congratulations - you've shopped wisely!

Cheers to shopping smart!

xoxo, Jayy

Adult hot Riot. - lookmybody - lookmybody

We riot because we know that we are lucky to have a voice.

- J

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Adult hot Mask. - lookmybody - lookmybody

To those who told me that my life is too “perfect” for me to be depressed,

Or that I look “too happy” to have any problems:

I am sorry.

When I signed up for this,

They forgot to give me my guide to depressed facial expressions.

Or “How to Not Have a Perfect Life 101”.

I’m kidding.

I didn’t sign up for this.

And last time I checked, neither did anyone else.

It kind of just comes, you (clearly don’t) know?

Not really caring how perfect your life looks. 

Or how pleasant you seem.

I don’t blame you for thinking I am happy or perfect.

I do not wear my heart on my sleeve.

I was just taught to be grateful for what I have.

And so even when it hurts,

I smile.

- J

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Adult hot 34. - lookmybody - lookmybody

There are days when I love myself so much it hurts.

There are days when being myself hurts so much I’d love to escape.

Sometimes I feel so much and so deeply that my heart aches.

Sometimes I am ready to rip my heart in two just to feel something, anything.

I’ve never been too good at consistency. 

- J

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Adult hot 33. - lookmybody - lookmybody

I do not know how to be anything but broken.

I do not know how to love without tearing my heart open in the process.

I do not know how to help without burning myself out in the process.

I do not know how to live as a whole.

Thank God that there is beauty in shattered hearts.

Thank God that there is beauty in the flames of self-sacrifice.

Thank God that we can find beauty in the shards of who we are.

Thank God that our lives do not have to be “put together” to be meaningful.

- J

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Adult hot Stigma. - lookmybody - lookmybody

Some say that mental health challenges are a side effect of the diaspora,

The result of longing for places we can no longer call home.

The silent killer of those who refuse to speak about it,

The reason why a life without mental health challenges is foreign.

We are so afraid of the monsters inside,

That we hide them away, and pretend they don’t exist.

But no one ever won a battle by pretending it wasn’t happening.

You cannot conquer an enemy that you refuse to fight.

-J

©

Adult hot Storytime: My Natural Hair Revolution. - lookmybody - lookmybody

Image Copyright - lazygirlsdiy.blogspot.ca

Last December I was babysitting a little Black girl with beautiful curly natural hair.  Her mom had curly natural hair, I was a new natural with a curly fro, and her siblings also had natural hair.  The little girl and I decided to draw pictures of each other, so we sat side by side, and began to draw.  She worked really hard on her drawing of me, up until she got to my hair.  She then turned to me and said "can you show me how long your hair is?".  Me, thinking nothing of it, stretched my hair and showed her my length.  She then returned to her drawing, and commenced to draw me with straight hair.  I asked her why she was doing that, and she responded "Because I want to draw you with pretty hair!".

Summer 2015

That happened over a year ago, but I still think about that incident a lot.  It breaks my heart to know that a little girl with beautiful natural hair and parents who encourage her to love her natural hair still is negatively impacted by the dominant discourse of European features as beautiful. It took me 22 long, hard years to learn to love my natural hair.  It took me 22 years to unlearn that dominant discourse on beauty, and here was this little 7 year old girl who was headed down the same path I was.  And I know she isn't alone - I know there are so many other little girls like her, who will have to  grow up learning to unlearn self-hate.

I made a resolution that day to start my own natural hair revolution.  I decided that going natural would not just be a phase so my hair could grow out healthier.  I decided that natural hair would be an ongoing lifestyle.  

I promised myself that if I had a daughter, I would raise her to love herself, to the best of my ability.  I promised myself that I would surround her with images of women who were Women of Colour and strong and natural and proud.  I promised myself that I would be an example to other little Black/Mixed girls and boys, so they could know what self-love looks like.  I vowed that I would become a strong, natural, proud, Mixed-Race woman.  Going natural is not just about me and my own personal goals.  It's about the thousands of little Black girls and boys who could grow up learning to love themselves because of my example.

I promise myself that I will be the last female in my family who grows up hating her natural self.  Will you join with me in making that same promise?

Cheers to a revolution of People of Colour learning self-love and self-acceptance, so that the next generation will never know what it means to hate their most natural selves.

xoxo, Jayy

P.S. Jenell B. Stewart on YouTube just posted this awesome video on this topic.  I suggest you check it out!

Adult hot Peace. - lookmybody - lookmybody

To those who are here because they have to be,

But not because they want to be,

To those that trudge through the emptiness

Waiting for peace:

I know that you meet mornings with dread,

And wish that the sunrise would swallow you whole.

I know that despite the sleepless nights

The darkness you find in between the covers

Is more comfortable than the searing brightness of the day.

I know that sometimes it’s not the morning you fear.

I know that the nights can be hard too.

Left awake with your fears, tears, and Godless prayers

Wishing that this would end

Or maybe that you would end.

I know that the monotony of each day can be draining,

But sometimes it’s the only thing that moves you along.

And while you would love for everything to just pause for a while

You fear that your comma would turn into a full stop.

But I also know that

One day you just might wake to the dawn of a better day.

One day you might be able to shelve the dread

And greet each morning with anticipation instead.

I know that happiness sometimes lies around and within sorrow.

I know that for some, the two are combined.

I know that joy looks different on every heart,

I know that peace is your ultimate goal.

For peace’s sake, please wait a while longer.

-J

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